Half-Days
Souvenirs from a shitty season.
―
November.
Our new locker room occupies a hastily built-out corner of the Grand Colorado’s garage. There are no windows, so it smells of exhaust and feet. Returning pros squabble about where to put the computers and the vending machines, but everyone agrees there are not enough benches or places to put the skis.
A construction site behind the Magic Carpet swallowed our old home over the summer. Broken ground leaks diesel plumes into the learning area. When the wind turns north, they carry all the way up to Trygve's Platter, which isn’t running yet anyway. Through peepholes in the construction fence we glimpse bones being laid for the resort’s first five-star hotel: The Imperial Hotel and Alpine Chalet Residences. Embedded in its 70,000 foot sprawl will be the “Sky Domes,” glass geodesic houses where high-net worth individuals can dine and stargaze. For now, though, it’s just a big dirty hole.
Blue jackets swing on hooks. Boot dryers hum, filling the air with their familiar musk. The pros trickle in but the snow does not. A week is all it takes to shred the “White Ribbon of Death” to a shoelace. It feels more like April than November.
I return from another lower-mountain lesson, sixth toe burning, wearing only a thin base layer beneath my uniform, unsure what the uniform is for.
December.
Thirty-seven of 193 trails open. An 18” base. Daytime temperatures squat above freezing at base elevation, refreezing weakly at night, if at all. Snowmaking fills narrow wet-bulb windows, laying down dense, artificial ribbons that abrade quickly under holiday traffic. Natural snowfall hasn’t built depth; it sublimates, melts, or compacts back into dirt.
The hollow statue of the Norse god Ullr stands motionless at the base of Peak 8. His bow drawn, his arrow aims at a widening patch of dirt beneath the Colorado SuperChair. Kids slither around sharks—rocks hidden like prizes between moguls—and micro-forests that push up defiantly through the white stuff we’ve paid dearly to make.
Exasperated instructors confiscate skis and send groups of advanced kids one-footed down the greens. The sups laud such creative pedagogy, but the parents are not impressed. Lesson prices have gone up. A full-day private now starts at around $1300. A half day at $900.
“We’re in a donut,” lament the locals in bars. “The snow is hitting everywhere all around us. East, West, they’re all getting pounded. But not us.”
In Broomfield, the corporate wizards reach for euphemism: variable, packed powder, early-season conditions. But it isn’t early season. It’s Christmas week—the first rush of what’s supposed to be winter.
A persistent ridge of high pressure has diverted more storm tracks north. On Christmas Day, rain falls on Main Street.“Variable” isn’t just a euphemism for bad snow. It’s overworked bodies. Dwindling work. And rent that won’t quit.
January.
The donut shows no signs of abating. The apps show a 30” base at Breck, 70” at Hunter. Let’s not even mention what’s occurring at Jay Peak or in Vermont. The resort’s social media team burns overtime. As the weeks slip, they go from posting white rooms money shots taken last season (presumably to entice March bookings) to addressing the blight directly.
Look! We are so authentic! Come and have fun with us despite the shit conditions! Skiing’s not about quality or quantity! It’s all about who you slide with. Look! Here’s an adorable avy dog in training! Aren’t the views, like, so pretty?
In a week, the resort will have used all its state allocated water for snowmaking. While the local news quietly covers the debate about opening a thirsty new data center on the Western Slope, passholders are told not to worry about the snowmaking. The resort will buy reserves from the town. And where (everyone thinks but dares not ask), when that runs out, will the town buy its reserves from?
One Thursday, I ride the gondola down with a Boomer instructor after another day of no lessons. His beard is the color of refrozen snow and his Carhartts have holes in them; he wears the uniform of the veteran ski bum well. He smiles correctively at me when he asks how my season is going and I respond honestly.
“Don’t be so dower, dear. It’s great to have all this time to free ski! I took the day off to telly.”
He grins at me like a guy who bought real estate here in the 80s.
“You know,” he continues, “there was a winter like this once. Back in the early ’80s, before snowmaking. Breck shut down for a month. Then it dumped. Absolutely nuked. And when it did, we had the biggest spring I can remember.”
(Of all the words skiers use to talk about snow, that one— nuke—is the one I hate most).
One by one, my regulars cancel.
“So sorry,” they apologize, “but we’ve decided to go to Mexico this year. Hope you get some snow soon!”
Beginners take their place. My schedule fills up with the half-day privates that are all the rage these days. Value is squeezed like blood from stone in a sport synonymous with money. The culture around skiing seems to have shifted with the climate but here both subjects are mostly verboten. There is only Stoke, Send, and Slut Strands.
The Magic Carpet churns while prayers for inches resound through the county at night. The bars fill up and the restaurants report a boost in earnings. Across Vail Pass, in Eagle County, the southern facing aspects soak up so much sun they’ve stayed completely bald. Squirrels and chipmunks chatter on the treed fringes of blue groomers, and confused moose stumble out onto the runs at Peak 9. Birdsong, not normally heard til closing week, trills in the air.
February.
The Olympic torch burns through Cortina. And just like that, the world is enamored with winter sports again. Lindsey nearly loses a leg and Mikaela reclaims the glory that eluded her in Beijing. Everywhere but here, it seems, the skiing skies on.
Suddenly, the water for snowmaking is all gone. The sun gnaws what’s left into afternoon slush, which promptly congeals overnight. Patrol shuts down runs previously opened. Collisions after collision make local headlines. One bro at Keystone rushes a tree so hard that he loses an eyeball, then promptly sues the goggle company.
Prayers for powder dissolve into hushed chatter about summer. The experts say the threshold has already been passed to generate enough snowpack to see us safely through fire season. The runoff will limp along. Whatever does slip into the river beds will disappear quick. Lake Dillon, which hydrates the Denver metro area and didn’t freeze until this month, sleeps fitfully under her thin cover. She tosses beneath her thin sheets of ice like a child with a fever. It is announced that Frisco will close the marina’s dock and public boat ramps for the summer.
Just in time for President’s Day, patrol drops rope on T-Bar. There’s dirt in the track on the way up, and crowns of rock complicating all entrances to the bowl.
“Can we go ski up there?” the kids ask.
I shake my head. “Not today.”
Even the old timer isn’t taking days off to telly anymore.
Turn Phases Are Places
I went to cert 3 clinics.
It was late—the particular late of ski towns, when the lifts have stopped but the day hasn’t quite let go. In the Village kids’ center, Cert III candidates folded ourselves onto chairs meant for children—too small for most of us, knees up, backs rounding, no one comfortable but no one saying it. Someone filled bowls with Goldfish and passed them around like rations. Under fluorescent light, we began.
Training for Cert III movement analysis has a way of clarifying things by muddying them. The lexicon is mechanical, not moral. The skis tell the truth; it is our bodies that try to lie.
Out on the hill, with real students, the language always feels simpler.
“Pizza! Piiiiiiiiiiizza!!”
Edges either hold or they don’t. You can hear it—the clean, high hiss of a ski set on edge, or the loose scrape when it isn’t. Cold air in the lungs, the small shock of pressure building under the outside foot. No translation required.
Inside, though, the words always get in the way. We watched skiers from the Irish national team make dynamic short-radius turns. The video looped at half-speed. One instructor, still wearing his backpack, raised a hand.
“Um, the skier initiates his turns in the backseat. He’s aft in all three phases.”
Uh-oh. Movement analysis is the banality of precision. The dialect is exacting and faintly absurd. One does not say, “the skier is aft.” One says: at initiation, the center of mass moves aft of the base of support, limiting the ability to direct pressure along the length of the ski.
The trainer—who’d been listening with the patience of someone accustomed to coaching three-year-olds—interrupted.
“Let me stop you right there. I fail a candidate,” he said, “as soon as I hear them speak about turn phases as verbs.”
There was a pause. Someone shifted; a boot sole squeaked faintly against linoleum.
“You don’t initiate the turn,” he continued. “It’s at initiation.”
It was, on its face, a small correction. But it carried the weight of a larger ideology. The minutiae, the semantics—in PSIA, they are precisely the point.
To speak of initiation as a verb is to imply control, authorship—an act a skier imposes on the mountain. To speak of it as a place is to acknowledge something more precise: that the turn unfolds in spite of you. The turn is ideal. It’s a Platonic Form that exists in a perfect arc apropos of nothing. But not you, the skier. You, with your bum knee and tight hips, are all too real. Real means fallible. Movement analysis’ purpose is to make you understand how you suck in relation to the turn, not the other way around.
At initiation.
In shaping.
Through finish.
Ski–snow interaction is best understood in prepositions, not commands.
On a warm January day, a training in Vail begins with a warning: rotary inaccuracies can cause fore/aft issues. It is delivered without emphasis, but once heard, it is everywhere. A slight twist at the top of the turn, a subtle pivot of the feet, and the skier is displaced. The skis scrape instead of carve. When pressure arrives late, the pelvis is usually the culprit.
“Not square,” the trainer says. “Separation, not symmetry. Now, let’s try and task ourselves into good skiing.”
At the finish of the turn, she has us sideslip all the way down Pickeroon. Not as a rest, but as a reference. The skis flatten, the edges release, and there’s that familiar, dry whisper of bases against snow. Alignment of the center of mass to the outside ski is the goal. Lead it with the inside knee. The skis slide where they had once gripped. The toe of the downhill boot seeks the middle of the uphill arch. Micromanaging tip lead feels small, almost trivial, until it doesn’t. The sound changes, the sensation changes, and the whole system reorganizes around that point.
The body resists; the task insists.
There are images, occasionally. The ski is the bow, the snow the string, the outside leg the arm drawing the arrow back. You feel the tension build—not metaphorically, but physically, in the muscles, in the contact with the snow—and then you release. The turn snaps cleanly through. Less an action than a location you can pinpoint with an arrow.
Indoors again, this time at home on Zoom, the tone sharpens. The task is performance mediums. A mise en abyme: your spoken performance of the ski’s performance of your body’s performance.
“I’d like to see the skier continue flexing their outside leg through finish.” I say. “And develop more counter all the way through shaping to unlock more ski performance.”
The structure is simple, and unforgiving: I see this, and this is causing this. What I would rather see is…
“Yes,” the trainer agrees in a way I know I missed the mark. “But now connect the outcome to the ski performance and body performance. This skier’s tendency in movement pattern is to move from the hip. She gets a high edge angle early and cuts off rotation. Try again.”
I try again. And again. Over time, halting shifts closer to fluency. Initiation becomes a place whose boundary to shaping is as porous as shaping’s is to finish. They each last an infinity and are inextricably linked. You arm yourself with PSIA words, none of them yours.
Your eyes memorize what you ski.
And then, almost without noticing—
the verbs disappear.
Fundamentalism
According to PSIA.
According to PSIA, the Five Fundamentals of alpine skiing are:
1. Fore–Aft Pressure
Mass moves over base
Directs pressure fore and aft
Along the ski length
2. Ski-to-ski / Outside Ski
Pressure foot to foot
Directed to outside ski
Arcing tip to tail
3. Edging
Edge angles controlled
Incline and angulate more
Tip from lower leg
4. Rotation
Skis rotate with legs
Separate from upper body
Steering with the feet
5. Pressure Magnitude
Regulate pressure
Ski to snow interaction
Flexion, extension
28 hr (1,874 mi) via I-80 W
Poems composed on the drive from New York to Colorado.
―
Poems composed on the drive from New York to Colorado:
Ohio
Ski bro at the pump—
Jersey plates, puffy jacket,
knowing nod ensues.
Presidential
Birthplace of Lincoln—
green signs lecture as we drive.
Birthplace of Reagan.
Work Zones
Chevrons flash orange.
Arteries of asphalt squeeze;
neon hazards glow.
Iowa
Turbines rake grey sky.
Billboards preach roadside gospel—
America shrugs.
Accident
Semi on its side,
tipped like a child’s toy truck—
steel guts glint in sun.
Ovid, CO
Metamorphosis:
state lines shift, the earth stays flat—
Nebraska, but not.
MOI
“CPR does not work in the woods.”
―
My knees chilled from kneeling in wet November leaves. Someone was playing an unconscious victim with unnerving conviction, half buried in duff. I palpated her limbs the way you check a jacket pocket you’re almost certain you haven’t lost your keys in—half hopeful, half afraid of what you’ll find.
“Just remember,” our instructor called out, hands tucked into his vest pockets, tone dry as tinder, “CPR doesn’t work in the woods. Hurry up and figure out what’s wrong with your patient.”
He wandered over to inspect my technique, which at that moment consisted mostly of wrestling my patient onto a sleeping pad and rooting, somewhat desperately, for a carotid pulse.
“Don’t reach over your patient like that,” he said. “Take the pulse on your side. Otherwise you’ll strangle her.”
Killing my first patient felt like a reasonable beginning to Wilderness First Responder—known, with varying degrees of affection, as “Woofer.”
For ten days, our group of twenty-one strangers revived plastic infants with stiff limbs, treated imaginary drunk campers, and staged the mass-casualty aftermath of a downed gondola in the pines of New Hampshire. Mornings meant rolling out of bunk beds, submitting gratefully to Nancy’s enormous breakfasts—Nancy being the campus cook and, by consensus, the only person keeping the entire operation emotionally solvent—and marching into the cold for scenarios. We memorized the necessary acronyms: AVPU, ABCs, SOAP. But the one that rooted itself most insistently—lodged, really, the way an impaled branch might—was MOI.
Mechanism of injury.
The origin story of pain.
The plot twist that gets you here, cosplaying catastrophe in the woods.
Outdoor professions attract a familiar cohort: the recent graduate not quite ready for a desk, and the retiree who spent twenty years at one and finally suffered the sort of existential rupture that results in a backpack purchase. Because of finances, there is very little in the middle. The twenty-two-year-olds are perfectly content to live under tarps in a state of communal, provisional bliss. The retirees, meanwhile, can afford to resurrect the happiest memories of their youth with the zeal of someone performing chest compressions on nostalgia. The metronome remains the same, but the song used to keep rhythm has shifted—from the Bee Gees to Chappell Roan—leaving those of us with aging but still functional knees and long Zillow wishlists in a kind of generational no-man’s-land.
Around me sat human clippings from a vintage REI catalog: rookie ski patrollers; a seventy-year-old scientist who surveyed remote Alaska; a retired teacher moonlighting with search-and-rescue; a twenty-something backcountry ski guide; a young “brown bear” guide fresh off his summer in the Kenai Peninsula; an eighteen-year-old New Yorker whose motives remained inscrutable; a nature therapist in her sixties. Only two people were in my age bracket. We spotted one another immediately, exchanging the quiet recognition of travelers who’ve missed the last ferry and now occupy the same dimly lit dock.
23 YOF.
70 YOM.
40 YOF.
Even stripped to the barest patient identifiers, we were an earnest, slightly improbable cast—twenty-one strangers who had, in various ways, accepted that the wilderness is where one eventually meets the hard limits of the human body.
“What’s our favorite word?” the instructor asked one morning, tapping the smart board with a digital pen that seemed to please him disproportionately.
“Continuum!” the class replied, as though it were a moral directive.
And in a way, it was. Everything, we learned, exists on a continuum: shock, infection, heat injury, hypothermia, traumatic brain injury—which the instructor colorfully described as “the brain trying to leave the skull through the big hole.” Careers, relationships, and taxes share the same sliding-scale inevitability. Talking nicely and sugar water, we were assured, help with most things.
“At the end of the day,” our instructor announced, “we’re all fucking hummingbirds.”
By then we had practiced impalements, strokes, heart attacks, broken ribs, tourniquets, and death notifications. We stabbed training EpiPens into our thighs and splinted one another’s intact bones with sticks and sleeping pads. Underneath the theatrics pulsed a quieter question: Will I ever need this? And: Will that ever be me?
Last year, it was. I had been a real patient. There is no moulage for c-word things. Nothing in the textbook—despite its generous enthusiasm for diagrams—prepares you for the way a medical event can rearrange your sense of chronology. My MOI was internal, discreet, the sort of plot point you can’t point to on a map.
Pema Chödrön writes that “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” If that isn’t a continuum, I don’t know what is.
By week’s end, EMT Sensei—his own MOI wrapped neatly in a knee brace—led us to a ridge where five classmates and two mannequins lay strewn in dramatic disarray, moulaged with almost theatrical verve. Moving toward emergency always feels like approaching a mirror: the mountains we climb, the waters we cross, the people we love; the moments when things go wrong and you kneel beside a body, hoping your hands remember their choreography.
“So, what did we learn this week?” he asked on the final day.
“CPR doesn’t work in the woods!” we shouted.
But the unspoken second half had become obvious: But that doesn’t mean we don’t try.
I tucked my badge away and climbed back into the Subaru, pointing myself west. At my cushy resort mountain, is ski patrol. Helicopters on call. An army of elite orthopedic surgeons.
But first responder training isn’t about conquering chaos or even saving lives; it’s about cultivating a kind of interior ballast. The ability to arrive—at accidents, at relationships, at your own life—with a little more steadiness than the day before. To assess scene safety first, then decide whether you have a duty to act. And if you don’t, whether you will act anyway. It’s about widening, however minimally, the fragile circle in which you may be able to make something a little better. Including, it turns out, the slow, awkward business of getting older—especially when you find yourself wedged between the sendy, twenty-year-old hopefuls and the sixty-something wilderness sages. It is, like everything else, a continuum.
In the end, MOI feels less like a mechanism of injury than a mechanism of insight: why we are drawn to these places, why we return, why some of us build our odd little lives at the edge of weather and chance.
And why, in a hexagonal building in New Hampshire, twenty-one strangers worked so intently—earnestly, imperfectly—to learn the simplest and hardest thing: how to keep one another alive.
Used To Be August
After the first frost.
―
After the first frost:
Hoar
Yard sighs, mother-gray;
brittle blades wake silver-spined—
the forest shudders.
Mr. B. B. Says
“Used to be August,”
he sighs of October rime—
“frost’s gone by lunch now.”
Layers
Fog, river’s cashmere;
Hudson layers for the cold—
winter waves hello.
Dry Suit Season
Neoprene to wool—
paddle will soon be ski pole;
make sure zippers close.
Denning
Bears nose through the duff;
out back, a tarp snaps in wind—
snow hums in the pines.